500 matching entries found. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.205, Hachette UK. George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . HAPPY BIRTHDAY. However, he is mostly known for his dark comedy that sheds light on a variety of subjects like politics, psychology, taboo subjects, religion and the English language. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. It certainly qualifies. You are not turning 60. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid., by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:39 pm, by emmanuel tamrat July 8, 2016, 8:54 am, by Quotezine Team April 24, 2016, 10:32 pm, by Quotezine Team February 15, 2016, 10:17 pm, by Quotezine Team November 27, 2015, 7:19 pm, by emmanuel tamrat September 14, 2015, 2:06 pm, comedianscomedy quotesdeadfunny quotesfunny quotes and sayingsfunny sayingsgeorge carlinlovemarriageone linerspoliticsreligiontop 25. Selfish, Leader, Ignorant. I wanna live. George Carlin quotes and jokes about humanity. At 68 I'm every age I ever was. Updated on May 30, 2018. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Im just kidding. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, artist, author, actor, and social critic. And armbands. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. Did you hear me? Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Related Topics. May your birthday bring you good luck to last for the whole year. Try spelling Evian backward. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?52.May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.53.Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.54.If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead.55.People are wonderful one at a time. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? 60 really looks great on you! Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?, Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it., Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible manliving in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. If you have quotes you would like us to cover, please contact us. Wishing you a lot of surprises and happiness on your 65th Birthday. Source: George Carlin: You Are All Diseased. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? They never mention that part to us, do they? Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar., I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. What does it mean to pre-board? There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. May you have them both. Thank God people dont age as fast as other creatures, because otherwise youd be gone by now. George Carlin (2015). Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.". What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. Oftentimes, tasks can sometimes [] More, 99% of passengers couldnt identify this world class musician, Joshua Bell, a world class violinist, decides to play the violin for 45 minutes in a busy train station. Below are the absolute best quotes we could find from this legendary comedian's career. Oprah Winfrey. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Thats the problem.19.We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.20.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.21.Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., 22.When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. Happy 60th Birthday! //, by Quotezine Team November 3, 2013, 10:53 pm. George Carlin. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. George will always be remembered by his fans for the influence he has had on various angles of their lives. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. Because there's no money in that problem. Deal with it.3.Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.4.Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.5.A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.6.Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.7.The caterpillar does all the work, but thebutterflygets all the publicity.8.Never argue with an idiot. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. "Brain Droppings", Hyperion. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Georges words and his life are revered in more ways than one. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, d..k Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. "People are wonderful one at a time. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Live album by George Carlin, 1988. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Everything is in the 80s. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. . The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.". Happy 60th Birthday! Related Topics. Happy Birthday to you, my dearest friend. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. There's a humorous side to every situation. The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Login Sign Up. This couldnt be more evident when he said: I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.. Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age. 500 matching entries found. There's no present. 1. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. He was born on May 12th, 1937 in Manhattan, New York and passed away on June 22nd, 2008 due to heart failure. 125 George Carlin Quotes. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. I'm talking about the real owners now the real owners. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. (e in b)&&0
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