kelly corrigan podcast transcript

Your email address will not be published. Shed do dishes all day and into the night to just get to listen to her children, just to get to watch them through a one-way glass, you know? Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast. Kelly Corrigan:You cant be in the world, and get through your to-do list, and also sit in endless, rich gratitude. You can watch this episode of Tell Me More anytime at pbs.org/kelly.Thank you also to the Lafayette Library and Learning Center. It kind of reminded me though, when I was little, my family used to have these mottos, but the mottos were stuff like, Dont get crumbs on the baby, or Be nice to mom. Team Everything Happens, Kate, Thats the word. Its these seemingly trivial moments. 00:35:25 - Annie Jean Baptiste in the Head of Product Inclusion at Google where she spends her time thinking about the products we use very day and how who's a You cant live in that. Shes not going to hold their babies.. The name is a lyric from . Kate Bowler:Well, I accept. They reel and wander and fixate and roll back and reconsider, because its like this, having a mind. In fact Im in the middle of reading both of your books right now. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. I was wrong not to go visit her. Onwards, but you use it so beautifully when youre talking about Lizs family and how they are now. Ask anyone who has participated in a moment of silence. I mean, people are getting colon cancer at your age all the time. Go get mixed up in something. Thanks for sharing your personal motto. Kindly, Kate Bowler:Yeah. Neal Brennan and Kelly Corrigan have a conversation in NYC. Their oldest, Aaron was killed in a car accident 20 summers ago, just after his freshman year in college. Yeah. The Honor and Weight of of Being a Role Model. The Best Show is the best live podcast you're ever gonna hear! Im sorry to ask about the hard part, but would you mind telling me what happened? The reach of language can be laughable.. When I read that, I just kept thinking of how scared Ive been about what I call being a zombie. Stay healthy. The things we tell ourselves and each other are so important, arent they? Kelly mentions the Potted Plant Theory of Parenting. One day I just snapped and threatened to sell the dog. Theres meatless Mondays, and theres a kombucha bar, and theres nap pods. Lives dont last. Labels like chronic illness, or caregiver, or widow, or mom of a kid with special needs. Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Corrigan and her guests dig into such questions as "Is knowing more always . Ask the dancers, and the athletes, the painters, and musicians. Kate Bowler:I dont think Ill like it, but I will think of you when I do it. One of the hardest things Ive been wrestling with is not having any clear language for this weird place between sick and healthy, weak and strong. Im so sorry youre not going to like any of my answers. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Sometimes, were just lacking a bit of language. Thank you for adding to the number of not-normal, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat people in the world. Kelly Corrigan:Now maybe Im going to go to Durham, and now maybe Im going to get my PhD in Divinity. Im so sorry youre not going to like any of my answers. This is the way this has to be, and its right there. Theyre poking for that critical difference to hold on to, and I wanna hug em, and say, I know. I mean, people are getting colon cancer at your age all the time. In, warm, insightful, often funny conversations, Kate talks with people about what they've. I heard your friend died, and I just couldnt bear to call them back. Its really wonderful to learn more about you and hear the ways youve connected with Kate and the book. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, unless youre a monk, and youre meditating for 60 days in a mountain somewhere. Claire, I was healthy, and then I was sick, and now Im feeling pretty good, and even though the language around immunotherapy isnt perfect, I can happily say that I am in remission. We can remove the first video in the list to add this one. Its the title of my memoir-still-in-progress. This interview is perfection. You also realized there was incredible parenting magic in the phrase, Tell me more. So, what is this witchcraft you speak of? Our family motto is, We dont sell family. When our dog was a puppy and being housebroken, he kept sneaking around piddling in the corners of rooms. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. The idea that any day could be this huge day, I dont know, that really gets me out of bed, you know? Phrases like I dont know, I was wrong, and one of my favorites, Its like this. Kelly Corrigan:And then she died, and my dad called, and my dad had nothing but positive things to say to me my entire life, and he said, You should have gone to see your grandmother more. It was the very last thing that I wrote, and you may be able to relate to this, theres always one part of a book that writes itself, at least for me, where its like, I guess Ive been thinking about this long enough, I guess Ive been living this long enough that its all kind of been subconsciously forming, and now Im just about taking dictation here, and thats the way that was. I dont know, but a whole new world of possibilities exist right now that did not exist an hour and 10 minutes ago, and I think that is so cool, and real, and exciting. Jennifer Garner tells Kelly Corrigan how she inspires others to find their true passions. What do you do when life doesnt fit into neat categories? A huge thank you to Mahra (the song she sings is from When I Drink by The Avett Brothers), Riham, and Cheryl who shared their family mottos with us. Onwards! Kelly Corrigan:I never came up with any combination that came close to the feeling. Lives dont last. The Big Short, Moneyball, Liars Poker, these stories stand for whole industries because Michael Lewis puts just the right protagonist in the center. Kate Bowler:I need to hear what your motto is. And Ive talked to a couple of my girlfriends whove gotten divorced, and they say the exact same thing happens to them. That sounds really right to me. So, I grew up with this sentence with my fathers voice in my head saying, Allah Kareem, God is generous., Cheryl:Our family motto is, Dont eat a hamster. Its completely random. If you haven't heard of Father Greg Boyle, let us introduce you: a Jesuit priest who has a touch of Santa Claus in his affect, Greg Boyle has collaborated with thousands of former gang members to build thriving businesses and communities of radical acceptance in East LA. It doesnt end, and also you cant live there. Kelly Corrigan:So, this was about all of these people calling me to say, I heard your friend died. So, I grew up with this sentence with my fathers voice in my head saying, Allah Kareem, God is generous., Cheryl:Our family motto is, Dont eat a hamster. Whos going to do this? The words we speak, and the words spoken over us. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, thats where it is. Nobody who is between identities they can tolerate does, it seems to me something Ive actively struggled with and expect to go hand to hand with again, whether tomorrow or the day after. He had things to do for days, and days, and days, and eulogies to write, and people to hug, and people to thank, and accounts to close, and cars to sell, and he had work to do, both emotional and just literally logistics. Warmly, Kelly Corrigan:Now maybe Im going to go to Durham, and now maybe Im going to get my PhD in Divinity. Kelly Corrigan:Sure, my pleasure. But first, we need you to sign in to PBS using one of the services below. I end up saying to my therapy clients, to my friends, and to my daughter both Change is hard and the stage-specific version of CIH, Middles are awful. Middles are awful: we have to either find language for an ambiguous state or give up on finding it: hard, sweaty work. Find me online at @KateCBowler, and Id love to hear what you think of this episode. Youre giving these beautiful phrases, and each of them feels like a kind of roadmap, and you start with one that really resonated deeply with me. Thats like total vanity but, especially with the kids, I definitely think, Edward and I both think, If you let us run this out for you, well get it done like one, two, three, and thats so humiliating, and degrading, and just the opposite of self-esteem building, which is sort of like the ground we walk on as adults. So, God is generous was my dads way of promising us a better future. Its a sin, its hell. Just do your best. I think people think that if you have a diagnosis, or somethings happened to you that you should know because youre proof of it. She was really, really into manners, and as kind of an act of gratitude, not in an uptight, British way, but as a Look at us eating a meal together, like, Nobody should eat before the last person gets down. So, I kind of wondered if there was a motto youd pick for you for right now, what would it be? Kate Bowler:Yeah. May you find Christ, comfort, and companions amidst the questions! But the fact is if I said, Tell me more, go on, what else, youd say the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing, and it would be like the thing behind the thing, behind the thing is where really the pain is, and if I had waited way longer, I wouldve been able to say, Oh, I understand.. I was also living only maybe 10 miles from my very old grandma who lived alone, and I kept kind of meaning to go visit her, but its a lot easier to show up at work every day at the United Way, and get kind of righteous about all the people who work for money versus the rest of us who are working for the greater good, than it is to go to your grandmas smelly, weird apartment, and have weird conversations with an 88-year old, you know? Each episode ends with Kellys shortlist of takeaways, appropriate for refrigerator doors, bulletin boards and notes to your children. She lives in Philly and I live in California. Kelly Corrigan:I know, me too. Its a very learned thing that I have to insert the words into my mouth, and push them out deliberately, because my instinct is to solve. Kate Bowler:You and I are super chatty people, but you make an amazing pitch for silence, and I am all for it, because everyone always had these go-to things to say with me like, You can do it, or Youre so brave, and all the things that made me feel like I was on the other side of plexiglass. She's really just an overall great human being. You could do worse than to live by that one. Kelly Corrigan Full Transcript - Kate Bowler Everything Happens with Kate Bowler Kelly Corrigan: Tell Me More 30 00:00:00 30 Read more about this episode, and get show notes, here. I even use it at the end of lectures like, Hey, this is the end of the 19th century. Its all this cumulative effect of a thousand minuscule moments. This is the way this has to be, and its right there. My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. Kelly Corrigan Wonders listeners will be familiar with Alexs story as we shared it in the episode A Mother Son Story of the Ultimate Transition and it was also replayed it in the For the Good of the Order feed. I mean, that means shes with them. Each episode in Season 5 of "Tell Me More" will leave you hopeful and with a few more tools in your kit to craft the life you want. Kelly Corrigan:Hey, thanks for having me. Kelly Corrigan:Sure, my pleasure. I should not be mad about this. Kate Bowler:Thanks so much for doing this. Your email address will not be published. The words we speak, and the words spoken over us. Her teams look to her for direction, but she wanted to see what would happen if she paused more to ask them questions, and found it totally changed her approach to both her work and family life. I just want to show up and try to be of use. Then cancer hit. Inspiring and thought-provoking interviews conducted by author Kelly Corrigan. I mean, that was my big experience of your book. Kelly Corrigan:And thats the truth. Kelly Corrigan:I didnt die. She reflects on her love and loss through ordinary moments and everyday sayings. Theres a whole world out there happening, and you can step into all kinds of things, and you dont need to know why youre leaving the house. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, unless youre a monk, and youre meditating for 60 days in a mountain somewhere. I hope you continue sharing your thoughts and joining in the conversation! Thats where its at. I dont have the genetic predisposition. I was in a big, big rush to get in front of him, and say my apology, and be returned to a state of grace, but the fact is that his mom died. In other words, it could happen to you tomorrow.. Thats where relationship lives is in these tiny moments, and whether you are cognizant of that and tuned into that channel all the time, or not, that is the story of a relationship. Okay, but Im just telling you those kids are waking up every day without her, and theyre going to keep being without her forever. The reach of language can be laughable.. Inspiring and thought-provoking interviews conducted by bestselling author Kelly Corrigan. It just came out whole, and of course, to me its the most important and moving chapter in the book for sure. Kelly Corrigan:So, I say at the end of this chapter, Shouldnt loss change a person for the better? Copyright 2023 Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), all rights reserved. She has a beloved podcast called Everything Happens. The idea that any day could be this huge day, I dont know, that really gets me out of bed, you know? Diane, Okay. Youre going to slide around, you know, youre going to deserve your life a little more some days than others. And you know, it was so weird, but dying was the easier part of it. You start with, Its like this.. Just get in the mix, get in the line of fire. Like, Today could be this day, well, you know, today I met you, now were friends, and who knows whats going to happen now? Thanks so much for your refreshing, poignant, thought-provoking podcast. Ask the dancers, and the athletes, the painters, and musicians. On Sundays, Kelly records a special podcast called, "Thanks for Being Here" where she reads the toasts and tributes that listeners have submitted about those they love. Kelly Corrigan:So, my dad died in February, and then my friend Liz, whos the mother of three kids, 8, 10, and 12 at the time, died that December. Follow Kelly on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Kelly Corrigan:Like, Oh, well we still have sex, so were definitely not going to get a divorce, or you know, Oh my husband doesnt travel, so then were definitely not gonna get a divorce, or you know, I never smoked cigarettes, so Im definitely not going to get breast cancer. Kelly shares her own go to mantra as well as two blessings from frequent Kelly Corrigan Wonders guest Kate Bowler and her co-author/friend/podcast producer Jessica Richies beautiful and extremely useful book: The Lives We Actually Have (100 Blessings for Imperfect Days). Kate Bowler:Oh friend. Join New York Times bestselling author Kelly Corrigan as she choreographs big-ideas conversations with some of the creative thinkers and artists who define our time. Im coming. Its all this cumulative effect of a thousand minuscule moments. Kate Bowler:So, todays conversation is about developing language to move us forward when life is well, chronic. Youre giving these beautiful phrases, and each of them feels like a kind of roadmap, and you start with one that really resonated deeply with me. Kelly Corrigan:Like, almost every time Im sure that if you just let me take over, I can make this problem go away. Many of you listen to Kelly Corrigan who WFS brought to Charlotte in October 2021. Its completely random. Its a sin, its hell. Kelly Corrigan:My friend Andy Lotts, who is Lizs husband, told me about it, cause hes a mom now, and so we talk mom talk. Kelly reads everything from eulogies to retirement speeches and on February 19th, she . Kelly Corrigan:Theres a thing Im aware of about eye contact between spouses, and you either make it, or you dont, and once youre aware that thats deeply meaningful, and that it has this kind of almost immeasurable, physiological effect on the other person, then you make an effort to look them in the eye, and that seems like such a small thing, but its actually definitional in terms of your relationship, in terms of whether its a good day, or a bad day, or a good interaction, or a bad interaction. So, I kind of wondered if there was a motto youd pick for you for right now, what would it be? Best, Kate Bowler:Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. That sounds really right to me. Plus, we learn how the same technique can actually reduce racism and prejudice. Kelly Corrigan:And I should not lose my mind over a shirt I bought on final sale section that didnt fit even though I tried to pull it over myself, and then it got stuck on me, and I had to cut it off with scissors. Is this how you would have cared for my son?, and you end up fixating on all of these tiny little things, and at the same time, so overwhelmed by not being sure if its trivial or tragic. Weeks later, the missing hamster crawled out from under the stove. Okay, but Im just telling you those kids are waking up every day without her, and theyre going to keep being without her forever. Even the words left unsaid. You are everywhere they are., Kelly Corrigan:I really believe that, even though Im skeptical, and Im mad at people who say, Her spirits still here, and stuff. She totally doesnt get it. Were jumping in way too soon and talking way too much. Team Everything Happens. Its the motto I live by when my opportunities are too big, and my capacity and capabilities too small. The space between doubt and belief is often unpopular, but the tension can be held. Even the words left unsaid. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. They hate it. Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Download. Then the ocean with its waves so vast, impossible to touch bottom, then a maze, then a mountain, then seasons, a natural disaster. Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. I mean, its a little bit like, Just keep saying yes. You know, When in doubt, say Sure, Ill do that, just to see what happens next, just to see who you might meet. So, I just really went bananas, because on top of the shirt problem, I went downstairs to clean the kitchen, and I found everybodys bowls, and spoons, and cups, and I had that reaction that so many women have, which is, Well I guess Im the least busy. Then the ocean with its waves so vast, impossible to touch bottom, then a maze, then a mountain, then seasons, a natural disaster. So, thats just the question in front of all of us. It kind of reminded me though, when I was little, my family used to have these mottos, but the mottos were stuff like, Dont get crumbs on the baby, or Be nice to mom. Kate Bowler:Absolutely. Im coming. Ill read you a little bit from the very end of that chapter because the thing that he was saying I think is, This is how it goes.. Kelly Corrigan:So, I used to go in there and write, and they have a meditation teacher twice a day at 10:00 AM and 3:00 PM, and at first I was sort of sheepish about availing myself of every single employee benefit, but sure enough, eventually I found myself sitting in there, and this guy was kind of amazing. And Ive talked to a couple of my girlfriends whove gotten divorced, and they say the exact same thing happens to them. I go, Oh, thank you for that bit of suggestion.. RELATED LINKS Try this episode's happiness practice: 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness Read Kelly Corrigan's new book, Tell Me More Transcript Were just a series of days and interactions. Kate Bowler:Absolutely. It just came out whole, and of course, to me its the most important and moving chapter in the book for sure. She's a daughter who still mourns the loss of her dad, a mom to her amazing daughters, a wife to her fantastic husband, a sister, a good friend, and a woman trying her best to leave this world a better and a brighter one for future generations. I went into this tiny bathroom in Baltimore in our office building, and just cried my eyes out, and it wasnt even because she died. Team Everything Happens. I think thats cause we were always sort of fighting nearby. Kelly Corrigan. Alex, She totally doesnt get it. Were jumping in way too soon and talking way too much. My son was, of course, distraught and felt the dog was a part of the family and worth the trouble. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live. It was the very last thing that I wrote, and you may be able to relate to this, theres always one part of a book that writes itself, at least for me, where its like, I guess Ive been thinking about this long enough, I guess Ive been living this long enough that its all kind of been subconsciously forming, and now Im just about taking dictation here, and thats the way that was. Kate Bowler:Well I think part of it, and this gets to another phrase that you write about which is I dont know, but you and I, it sounds like, have given up on certainties as a way to cope with that, both having been through cancer, and also I think both realizing that people really dont like it when you say, I dont know.. Despair defies description. Kelly Corrigan:Thats not a headline anybody wants to read. Its the only way to keep the last bit of sanity. They hate it. Constance Wu also thanks a past educator of hers, Mr. Frizzle. I dont know. Kate Bowler:You are someone who has gotten mixed up in all kinds of things, and I am so glad to know you. Kelly Corrigan:Dont get crumbs on the baby. Theres a title. Michael highlights the importance of . And she said, Kelly, Im going to try to do the Uber to this wedding, and I was wondering if you can request a woman, and I said, No you cant, but you can trust it. Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, its funny that that phrase really begat the whole book in a way, because I had been feeling this shame about not really earning my days here, and then Ed and I were at dinner, and we were talking about the difference between saying Im sorry, and saying I was wrong, and I was saying, God, its so much more powerful though in the humility in saying I was wrong.. You know, like it wasnt me. Kate Bowler:Well, your book has such a wonderful collection of phrases around essays, stuff like Tell me more, and you write about incredible things people can say when theyre figuring out the road ahead. Tell Me More with Kelly Corrigan is a series that inspires, educates and entertains. Im so compassionate to that thing that happens every time you tell someone that you had cancer, which is the other person trying to figure out why its not going to happen to them as fast as possible. Kelly Corrigan:You cant be in the world, and get through your to-do list, and also sit in endless, rich gratitude. Kelly Corrigan:And how do we earn it? Kelly Corrigan:The magic of Tell me more is you start telling me what youre upset about, and I fall for the first thing you say, and I start solving for that. Kate Bowler:I do think people offer certainties when they think that youre proof of something that scares them, and they cant just live in the uncertainty of not knowing for a minute. I was wondering if you could tell me about that. Im not sure where the bar is set at in normalcy though. Kelly Corrigan:Thats not a headline anybody wants to read. Team Everything Happens, Kate, Kate, Just get in the mix, get in the line of fire. She plans to give it to her daughter, who graduates from high school in June.. Okay, great. Your mantra is fantastic and is sounds like it has served you well through the years! Team Everything Happens. Kate Bowler:Yeah, the indignity. Thank you for this. We should hold hands for a moment, as a way of marking the glory of a family dinner, and they do that. Absolutely enjoy these, the wisdom, the calm, the gentle reminder of our true reality and the essentiality of the connections we make and need to survive and help each other. Maybe I dont have to be good, but I can try to be least a little better then Ive been so far., Riham:Our family motto is Allah Kareem. So, I was wondering, would you mind reading that beautiful passage you wrote about after Liz died? I didnt do it. Kelly Corrigan:My friend Andy Lotts, who is Lizs husband, told me about it, cause hes a mom now, and so we talk mom talk. Kate Bowler:Todays episode is brought to you by our partners, North Carolina Public Radio WUNC, the Lilly Endowment, The Issachar Fund, The John Templeton Foundation, Faith and Leadership: An Online Learning Resource, and Duke Divinity School, and of course, Beverly Abel, Jessica Richie, and Be the Change Revolutions. Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Maya Shankars Plus One is Christy Warren, a former first responder with 25 years of experience in the field. This episode was wonderful, wasnt it? Im hearing all the music, Im totally tuned in to the right channel, and then just like that, I slip into those mundane irritants., Kelly Corrigan:And then I catch myself, and then I feel this sense of shame, and he said, Its like this.
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